Tuesday, 1 March 2011


Today I was surprised and humbled to find out that I can be held in citizen's arrest if I say 'Blimey' on the street. It is a shortened version of 'Blind me God' or something similar. Thus blasphemy.
So the next time I hear anyone say 'Crikey' (Christ), 'Oh my goodness' (nearly using the Lord's name in vain), 'Darn' (Damnation), 'Heck' (Hell), 'Cripes' (again, Christ), or 'Fuck', I will rugby tackle them and forcibly pin them down to the ground, while I wait for the police to arrive. When they do, I don't doubt that they will be eternally grateful to me. Doing my duty, keeping dangerous criminals off the streets.
Oh it turns out the blasphemy laws were abolished in 2008. So I won't be able to carry out my holy calling and protect our streets from mindless, savage criminals.

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