Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Prewarning

I've just realised that seconds are too long. I have realised this because whenever anyone attempts to count seconds, they go too quickly. Whoever invented seconds was obviously too laid back, thick, or had an unnaturally slow heartbeat. I propose that we speed seconds up slightly. Minutes and hours will remain unaffected.
I might be getting one of those poncy digital SLR cameras, most probably Canon. So I am issuing a formal warning: it is highly likely that, if said camera comes about, there will be a barrage of sub-standard amateur photos (with extremely high contrast) of profound raindrops on leaves, wilting flowers, and ugly industrial buildings. I might even stoop so low as to take one of those hipster/indie photos in vile mismatched vintage clothes. Upside down. In a mirror. With inturned knees and hunched shoulders. I will endeavour to make this a complete parody, but there will be an inevitable underlying element of self consciousness, desperation, and extreme vanity.

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