Sunday, 31 October 2010

People were cooler in the 80s

I have spent this whole decade laughing contemptuously at their hairstyles and ugly clothes, from the vantage point of my supposedly superior, snobby generation. Then I spent the whole of Halloween watching music videos from the 80s, and realised that (with the exception of Bon Jovi probably) I was wrong. They were simply effortlessly cooler than all of the laughable current 'stars.' For example:
The pretty one from The Bangles
They just seem so, er, 'rockstar,' not trying to sound too gimpy. Compared to today, they seem more scruffy, indifferent. In other words, not this:
Or this, ugh.
They are completely manufactured and reek of desperation. All style and no genuine 'coolness.'

Sunday, 17 October 2010

I just ate some Urban Outfitters

I say that because if I don't order clothes every once in a while I die of boredom, especially on Sundays. I fulfilled my need for an ironic t-shirt and got one with a leopard print crucifix. Urban Outfitters makes me very happy.
I feel like a complete toddler because I just made some invitations for my party, using a Cath Kidston set which includes envelopes and stickers. Sadly it's only a 15 piece set and I'm inviting 16, so one hard-done-by person is going to have a nice Microsoft Word document with some good old Wordart and Comic Sans. Oh and I nearly forgot Clipart.
Personally I think Wordart, Comic Sans and Clipart should all die slowly and painfully, perhaps with a nice sadistic combination of burning alive and the old bamboo shoots torture. They are unwanted remnants from the age in which computers were still being breastfed, back when ten-year-olds used them to make shit little posters about minibeasts. Anyone who still uses Wordart, Comic Sans or Clipart is a complete idiot, ignorant to their new-fangled successors: Google Images and a nice bit of size 150 Cambria font, aligned bottom-right. This is edgy.
I don't know why I'm endorsing MS Word actually. It's bollocks. Everytime I add in a new text box or something I have to pray that it won't screw up everything else on the page, pushing every object into some unknown twisted realm. And if use text boxes rather than writing normal text, it refuses to go onto a new page when I run out of space. So I have to insert a new page, which for some reason appears before the first page. And when I'm trying to position two linked text boxes next to each other, the inflexible movement facilities don't allow a natural looking progression of text, but instead an infuriating gap. Maybe the general problem here is with the text boxes.
I love free internet stuff. Google Docs is a simple yet WORKING word processor that doesn't try and correct your grammar like a little bitch. Again acting like a toddler, I used it to make a party information sheet and found it most pleasing.

Friday, 15 October 2010

I've just got GHDs. So now I become one of those people that boasts about the superiority of GHDs to kid themselves into thinking they were worth £100. I've got a good 2 years left until they dutifully break, so I'll use them well and inflict 7 years of damage onto my hair.
The GHD 'Creation Spray' that I bought with the straighteners will not, however, escape criticism. It claimed to be able to hold your style better so I read the reviews which somehow made me believe it was something other than just hairspray.
It is in fact proactively worse than hairspray, and the only perceivable result is more of a delightful burning smell than before. I have thus concluded that any advice or information you will ever receive from anyone is born out of ulterior selfish motives and noone's opinion can be trusted.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Jesus T-shirt

I've decided that I am in dire need of an ironic t-shirt. I already have horse top which works quite effectively to give the wrong impression about my character, but I'm thinking of a t-shirt with a big crucifix on it. There a quite a few other entertaining options:
Recycling symbol
Bible quote
Justin Bieber/Hannah Montana
Anything related to being a vegetarian
Massive pair of Crocs
Jay Z/Kanye West
It would mean I had to restrict my company to people that know me, to achieve ultimate hilarity and avoid coming across as a complete fool.