I was in a particularly cynical mood the other day; and thats the original meaning of the word, not the football meaning. So the new series of X Factor was probably the wrong thing to watch. Five minutes in, and I had lost faith in humankind and was feeling like a patronised baboon enjoying some nice disco lights. Speaking of which, today I saw a gorilla pick its nose and eat it and I was far more entertained. Every so often it cuts to the queues outside and we see some hideous wobbly specimens bouncing around flashing their 3 braincells in our faces. Proud of their failure at everything. It is, obviously, worse when said embarrasments start to sing. Well it should be, but they used 'vocal enhancement processes,' so it just sounds faintly robotic instead. Infuriating! They used it on one member of a duet to demonstrate the difference in singing ability between them - one's a dog, one's mediocre - so that they could play the 'maybe you should audition alone' card. Everything about X Factor is false. I'm starting to think that the judges are simulations. Simon Cowell doesn't exist. The only real element is Dermot O'Leary, who's actually just standing in a studio talking to a green screen the whole time.
I was well chuffed with my New Look boots. I thought I was being all mature and shit. I wore them in Brighton for a day and now I hate them. My toes nearly bled. I was considering taking them back, but apparently you're not allowed once you've worn them out; and unfortunately I can't disguise that fact what with shitty New Look quality.