Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Big hate for X Factor

I was in a particularly cynical mood the other day; and thats the original meaning of the word, not the football meaning. So the new series of X Factor was probably the wrong thing to watch. Five minutes in, and I had lost faith in humankind and was feeling like a patronised baboon enjoying some nice disco lights. Speaking of which, today I saw a gorilla pick its nose and eat it and I was far more entertained. Every so often it cuts to the queues outside and we see some hideous wobbly specimens bouncing around flashing their 3 braincells in our faces. Proud of their failure at everything. It is, obviously, worse when said embarrasments start to sing. Well it should be, but they used 'vocal enhancement processes,' so it just sounds faintly robotic instead. Infuriating! They used it on one member of a duet to demonstrate the difference in singing ability between them - one's a dog, one's mediocre - so that they could play the 'maybe you should audition alone' card. Everything about X Factor is false. I'm starting to think that the judges are simulations. Simon Cowell doesn't exist. The only real element is Dermot O'Leary, who's actually just standing in a studio talking to a green screen the whole time.
I was well chuffed with my New Look boots. I thought I was being all mature and shit. I wore them in Brighton for a day and now I hate them. My toes nearly bled. I was considering taking them back, but apparently you're not allowed once you've worn them out; and unfortunately I can't disguise that fact what with shitty New Look quality.

Thursday, 19 August 2010

I feel considerably lighter

So once again I've failed as a quirky Brighton vintage shopper and bought an eye shadow trio from Mac. It wasn't my fault, though - I am a victim of high pressure sales. Once I'm in the position where they're looking at me expectantly, having just applied seven different eye shadows to my face, I simply have to buy something; even if it's a £15 little pot that made me feel considerably lighter and slightly dazed as I left the shop.
American Apparel may be going bust! That's because it's overpriced and largely average, except for the few mildly pornographic things (Nylon Spandex Stretch Lace Diamond Grid Bodysuit). And it's too bloody hipster to be taken seriously. There's one in Brighton actually, which I went in for two minutes today. Most of it was tragically underwhelming, and when I found myself halfway to liking something it turned out to be six times what I would be willing to pay. I think American Apparel was probably popular a few years ago. But there are only so many spandex bodysuits, lace trousers and invisible one pieces they can cram into the confused population of 15-25-year-olds.
I have successfully purchased some Ugly Boots. New Look, also in Brighton, £35. I don't actually know how to do the laces, so I feel like a 5 year old all over again. I had an unfortunate moment of suicide contemplation when I discovered I'd left my £5 voucher at home.

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Ugly boots

There are two kinds of ugly boots. Here are some examples of the pretty and wearable kind. These two by asos:

...And the preferable, non-wedge topshop version:

These office shoes present an appropriate ugly-boot alternative.

There are, unfortunately, those kinds of ugly-boots which have ventured too far into the ugly realm: Bearded Tramp Boot, topshop ('argyle sock lined ankle boots').

Oh, and anything by Ugg crossed the line between Ugly and Too Ugly years ago.

On Saturday I'm going to stay in Brighton for two weeks. It has loads of vintage shops so one might presume I would be excited. However through recent experiences I have come to realise that vintage clothes, from pretty much any decade, are hideously ugly. So, unless I can develop an interest in overpriced silk scarves and clock pendants (the only mildy acceptable items available) that lasts for two weeks, I may have to spend the majority of my time in topshop or mac.