Friday, 30 April 2010

stuff that is happening in the news

Imagine if a 14 year old school boy repeatedly hit his teacher over the head with a dumbbell shouting 'die, die die.' He would be expelled, probably imprisoned for at least a year. Neither the jury nor the judge would have any sympathy for him. So why, when the situation is reversed, does the teacher get acquitted? He might have been driven to the brink. But the fact remains that he attempted to murder one of the pupils - has that just been ignored? As a teacher he has the responsibility to be an example to the students. Anything the boy may have done is not at the same level as attempted murder. The teacher showed a complete lack of control that is childish and frankly vile.
I had a look on the Daily Mail website (an endlessly bountiful resource for balanced and intelligent critical opinion) to look at some of the comments on the article. The highest rated comments were in complete favour of the teacher - saying how he was a good and innocent man driven to madness by evil disruptive pupils. But he was 50. The boy was practically a child. In my (100% right) opinion, it's ridiculous and backwards.
Oh and then there's the election. Ho hum. How to choose between three identical parties with different names? Well I'll certainly be voting BNP, only joking. I tried to watch the election debates but got distracted by the ugly people in the audience, and David Cameron's creepy hypnotic, piercing eyes.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

so I just bought a horse top.

I am not an animal person. Maybe if I saw a picture of a particularly cute kitten, being mauled, I might manage a second of sympathy, but that is the extent of my interest. I would shoot a missile into a bunny or puppy nursery if it saved one person's life. I'm so disinterested that I don't even enjoy animal cruelty. As far as I'm concerned, animals are there purely to aid the existence of humans - they are tasty.
So why did I buy a top with a horse on it? I find horses a waste of space; the toys of posh people. Watching them prance about on TV is boring and shit, horse racing is boring and shit, polo is boring and shit, horses are just generally shit. I want to move to France so I can eat them legally. Oh and Black Beauty is a shit film. You might have thought that a horse is the last thing I want on my jumper.
Maybe I wanted to be ironic. Maybe it's because it's from Topshop. Maybe I just want to wear a horse on my jumper, because I can. I can confine it to the 5 inch space on my front, trap it forever, just to please me. I can own this horse.

Everyone's been barking on about Glee, and as I am repelled by musicals, especially American ones, I firmly refused to watch it. But yesterday I accidentally threw myself into the vortex and watched the first episode. And now I have to watch the second one.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

I got a new haircut

My hair now qualifies to be called brunette, how exciting?
The Debenhams range H by Henry Holland is quite possibly the first time I have ever wanted or liked clothes from Debenhams. So I went the other day to ransack it, brought about 23 things to the changing rooms, and didn't like any of them. For some reason, the ridiculously garish 80's style clothes didn't look as nice on me as they looked on Pixie Geldof.
Talking of Pixie Geldof, Georgia Jagger seems to be doing well. What's the trend here...? She was voted UK model of the year or something like that, so they were obviously going for the gormless, buck-toothed look.


She has abnormal front teeth. They are not attractive. They appear to instantly lower her IQ to about 3.
Madonna's daughter Lourdes had crazy eyebrows, then got them sorted out, finally.
Peaches did some shit, got in a magazine, did some other shit, then people stopped caring.

Friday, 2 April 2010

You Tub

I actually thought Youtube's new layout was some kind of hilarious April fools joke. It isn't. But that makes it sound like I'm against the layout, which is not, in fact, the case.
There seems to be some uproar about the removal of the 'ratings' system for a like/dislike type of affair. There is, however, one massive reason why the new system wins. As you well know, most of the people who watch and comment on Youtube videos are absolute brainless shits.
Here are some of my favourites.

'johnnyrocks200 this boy is soooooooooooo retarted'
'ChloeBabe8 LMAO, THAT WAS HALERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!'
'TroyluvsGabi dang all u peeps who r against God r just the most ignorant people and i promise u that when Jesus comes to judge u will regret it. God does exist and if he doesnt then prove it.'

Ugh. And don't forget those complete lost causes who upload a... slideshow of images... with some shitty 'fade' transitions... and a crappy, pointless backing track... and call it a video. So, what I'm trying to say is that we seriously can't expect these primitive 12 year olds to choose between FIVE degrees of quality to rate a video. That requires significantly higher intelligence. Therefore, naturally, a simple like/dislike system is much more appropriate. No real thinking is necessary. Just decide whether the video makes you feel happy and warm inside, or uncomfortable and confused.
As for the rest of the changes, who really gives a shit? It's still Youtube. Just less clutter. Obviously the aforementioned primitive 12 year olds are not sufficiently capable to adapt to a slightly new system. Gosh - the user's videos are ABOVE the video itself rather then the right margin! Everything is ruined! And shit, I have to hover over the comments to reply to them.
On the subject of Youtube I want to pay tribute to a brilliantly scathing old man who makes fun of, well, religion &c. But don't watch if you are one of those people likely to get 'offended' (a fate worse than death, of course), or a part of that knuckle dragging Youtube pollution.
http://www.youtube.com/user/patcondell