Wednesday, 31 March 2010

a rational response

One buys knitwear in order to keep one's self warm. Therefore, a jumper such as this clearly has major design flaws.

Due to the large holes covering much of the garment, great heat loss would be experienced, and, as a jumper, this is utterly useless.
This bastard will have someone's eye out:

Vastly compromises mobility:

I just got some ridiculously lovely faith shoes which rival even my, also lovely, topshop shoes. Flats, of course, as heels cause endless podiatric and spinal damage, and are sharp. They are pretty and gay (meaning happy).

I don't really understand the whole 'banana' shoe ordeal. I see no practical advantage of having such a bendy, elastic shoe. It prevents one from being able to utilise their whole foot for weight-spreading purposes, and furthermore reduces the overall rigidity of the shoe; inevitably leading to excruciating pain and disablement in later life.
I am going away for orchestra merriment next week, so seven days of no internet. Unless of course the town of 'Blandford' (yes, Blandford) has internet connection, which I doubt insanely. AND I'll be having far too much fun with my little (£2k) fiddle to want to write in this piece of crap.
A new room update why not: We were pulling up the hall way carpet and chipping off the tiles in the room to make way for the lush wooden floorboards, and everything was generally going swimmingly. But then we found a raised steel gas pipe cutting across the hall floor and causing a raised ridge. A motherfucking steel gas pipe. So now we have to dig under and around the whole length of it to drop it like a millimetre, and we'll probably kill ourselves because it's a steel gas pipe.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

I am slowly coming round to the idea of Uniqlo

I have always thought Uniqlo was like a lamer version of Gap. Selling plain, generic t-shirts in 12 different colours for a questionably high price alongside failed attempts at skinny jeans (I say this from personal experience and bitterness at having worn baggy skinny jeans for years). What made Uniqlo different from Gap was that it was Japanese, and therefore sold illustrated t-shirts in cylindrical plastic pots on shelves 15 foot high. So I've been ignoring Uniqlo for a while, until BAM. I see a few adverts in magazines, and my interest is captured. I try the website. Suddenly it's gone from Gap to a cleaner version of American Apparel (ignoring the topless women on the homepage). Good God - they sell jeans for £14.99 - jeans that look skinny, jeans that look ACCEPTABLE. Uniqlo churn out designs with machine-like efficiency: like the 3 varieties of legging, categorised by price. Some things are even on the verge of pretty, although I wouldn't go that far. They have a jumper with a cake on it. A cake. I have realised that Uniqlo doesn't just have to be for 30 year olds. Japanese 30 year olds.
I recently bought this top from Topshop:

I thought it was spiffy because it had a knot in it, and didn't they do that in, like, the 80's or something. And it practically goes with everything, including my primark sandals which cut my feet, which is good because it means I won't have to buy anything for a while as I'm saving up for Bestival or an ipod touch. Or maybe both perhaps. Or the Hollister sale which I hear is on, because I've realised I don't have a denim skirt.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

So What's New?

Nothing. Just asos pretending to be sophisticated, topshop churning out the occasional atrocity amongst all the other reasonable things, urban outfitters selling overpriced indie porn, new look trying really hard, net-a-porter being that place I go to if I want to marvel at how disgusting fashion is, french connection having a bearded man on the front page and declaring "this is man," dorothy perkins being a failed attempt at topshop for old ladies, look being one big advert, missoni making the ugliest cardigans I've ever seen, chanel no. 5 being expensive urine, and justin bieber being a prancing homosexual.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Sunday, 7 March 2010

I'm a Mac. I'm a PC. You bastard.

As a prologue to the following post I must point out some important details about our computer set up:
1. At our desk are two monitors linked to the same computer, one big ass 20" bugger and a smaller one.
2. We have been using Microsoft.

So today I settled myself in the familiar uncomfortable chair face to face with my two indulgent monitors. I 'wiggled' the mouse to rouse them from their slumber. Then as the big daddy 20" took a while to wake up, I noticed that the keyboard and mouse instruments before me seemed to have duplicated. There were now 2 keyboards and 2, er, mice. This struck me as rather unusual. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Expecting the usual background of rolling hills generic to Windows, I was instead presented with some pretentious cosmic galaxy scene. Something was wrong. I looked down at the task bar, only to find a sequence of hideously chintzed up little icons. Then I saw it. The 'Safari' compass. This was not Windows. This was not even Linux.

This was a Mac. Having spent a few minutes trying to find my way around the thing, I have compiled a list of useful notes.

1. Beware: the exit, maximise and minimise are on the left, in the form of cute little traffic light circles.
2. If you are using a non-Apple keyboard, you have to press " to get an @ and alt-3 to get a #.
3. Macs are illimitably prettier than Windows computers.

Seeing the Mac and Microsoft sitting grudgingly side by side on my little desk called to mind that sweet little advertising war between them, where Mac tried to say PC's were boring and wore business suits, and that Macs were carefree and artistic and hippy. Then the ruthless return from Microsoft, in which they showed all kinds of ridiculously active and adventurous people scubadiving, mountain climbing, skydiving, and showing their support for PC's. 'I partake in extreme sport activities, therefore I carefully chose a PC as it suited my lifestyle choice. People who have PC's are colourful, impulsive, happy, pretty and thin. Screw you Apple.'
On a final note, I would like to let it be known that as I sit here typing this, I am using Microsoft, despite its inferior attractiveness, as the Mac couldn't even carry out a simple task and connect to the internet.