Friday, 29 January 2010

oh, the shame

Oh, the unimaginable, unspeakable, crying shame of putting your card in the wrong way round in the machine. And the shop guy having to take it out, personally, and turn it round.
I really love the British kind of interior design theme. Maybe it's because I'm secretly really patriotic, or because I hate my country and want to make an ironic statement, or because I just think it looks hot. It's probably important to stress that I mean the vintage, wartime theme; not the chavvy, football supporter theme.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

I used to roam and etc, picking out things I liked and wanted to buy. Now that I actually have my card and can get stuff online, I can't find anything that I like. I haven't used it yet. I was tempted to use it for my quarter pounder and toffee crisp mcflurry in mcdonalds, but it wasn't special enough for my very first purchase.
Sheer boredom has forced me to start watching The Hills. It's incredibly tacky but I have to admit I would love that lifestyle. Wouldn't everyone? I'm also quite resentful of the main character because she's a total bimbo but she somehow got an internship at teen vogue. She doesn't deserve it! And she performed shitly at her interview.
I am sad and confused because American Apparel and Hollister seem to have discontinued or run out of things I wanted to buy.
The first thing is American Apparel's nail polishes. They are really ugly colours like grey, cream and mouse brown that are strangely appealing. Attempting to find a replacement, I tried OPI and found a yummy colour called melon of troy, which I can never have because I refuse to spend £10 on a nail varnish.
The other is Hollister's Laguna beach body spray, which has vanished from their website and apparently never existed. It is my all time favourite smell, as well as Diesel fuel for life, Benefit b-spot, and new text books.
Alas! maybe has some suitable things for me to buy online with my card? Like for instance this hilarious sequin dressing gown:

Alexander Mcqueen £7,360; apparently looks great with a bottega venata clutch. That has to be one amazing clutch, to make this, er, 'dress' look nice. Actually, I would like to amend my previous statement and point out that this is no sequin dressing gown; but in fact a vampire cloak.
Or, perhaps this coat.

If I were gullible fashionable, I would start to gush about its 'clean lines' and 'angles' and 'aesthetic.' In reality, it looks like an already lame coat that I smudged in photoshop and made lamer. I seriously wonder if designers even try anymore. Then again, they don't have to. They could produce anything and people would lap it up.

Thursday, 21 January 2010


You might remember the post in which I compared clothes from Topshop and They were identical., the online boutique, does not design fashion - it simply makes convincing replicas of designs previously made. And why should it? I'm sure it makes a perfectly acceptable profit by ripping off half of Topshop's stock, and I doubt anyone is complaining that they can get a £50 dress for £25.
What about Topshop itself, and any other high street shop for that matter? Arguably, they don't design fashion either. With the exception of Topshop Unique, they are doing exactly what are. For example: observe this rather dashing Luella Maggie dress.

It may be £625, but never fear: French Connection have produced a remarkably similar dress for £75.

Admittedly, it differs far more than the dresses from the host of cheap online 'boutiques.' But invariably, this dress has been influenced by the Luella. This is only to be expected: the job of high street stores is to provide a means for the everyday human to wear the Herve Leger dress or the Balmain jeans, obviously with some of the detail and quality lost in translation.
I said that Topshop Unique was an exception to this. Why? Well, because it's a designer, just like Chloe or Versace. But do real 'designers' really design anything new? I would say no: it is rare or even impossible to see a completely new concept and creation. Every dress or top designed is simply an alteration on the general theme. Whether it's the quality of fabric used in the translation from Topshop to missguided, or an adjustment on colour or shape from Luella to French Connection, the majority of design stays the same, with a slight alteration along the way. The further you go up the class system of the fashion design industry, the greater these alterations become.

Monday, 18 January 2010

routine atheist rant

Yep, it is time. I don't 'bow my head' to pray in assembly like we're asked. It's not because 'I shouldn't have to pray because I don't believe in God and you can't force me,' because to be honest it's not that big a deal for me. The reason is that I generally disagree with the idea of religion being integrated into schools. If you join a school that is specifically christian then that's fine by me, but my school isn't. It seems that all or most schools automatically assume a christian kind of character. In my opinion, religion should be a private thing, or something to be celebrated with others of similiar inclination - not something spread to largely unwilling masses of people. Surely by arguing with this sentiment you are condoning indoctrination?
Now that my routine and necessary atheist rant is over, I have something else to report. Today I massively took advantage of the system my school and probably other schools have: the way that crapness followed by improvement is rewarded more than consistent good performance.
We had netball, and I hate the way it's taught and genuinely enjoy pissing off the PE teachers, so I decided to be ridiculously crap. Then half way through I 'improved' and by pure luck I scored a goal (it didn't even touch the sides. This is a massive fluke, as 99% I miss ludicrously). And of course, I got a commendation. As well as having a deifying and hugely embarrassing speech dedicated to me at the end. NEVER in all the time I have played netball have I got a commendation, and I used to play better than I did today. is my new best friend cos it's fricking hilarious. Especially this.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

it is spreading...

I used to like Twilight, until it became mainstream and the lame 'Twi-hard' fans appeared, and they cast Cedric Diggory as Edward. Now you can hardly escape it. It plagues our cinema and TV screens, our magazines, our internet forums - and now, it seems, our makeup.

'Twilight Venom is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Twilight Venom is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a super potent bite (watch out!), and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.'
Lame. And it's £14.50 on I would have expected it to be about a fiver, so all the little obsessed children can afford it - NOT SAYING ALL TWILIGHT FANS ARE OBSESSED CHILDREN BUT I THOUGHT THEY WOULD TARGET THE MAJORITY. The actual product looks quite cool; shame they had to ruin it.
But what do we have here?
A TWILIGHT beauty brand. A TWILIGHT beauty brand. Which, I'm ashamed to say, has some rather nice stuff.

It's not cheap either, which gives at least the illusion of quality. Unless their revenue all goes into the ugly packaging, which would be ugly even without 'twilight' on it.

Saturday, 16 January 2010

if there's one thing I'm good at, it's the eloquent destruction of noobs

No. I won.
Oh and I'm not too sure about the showing names thing so I just blanked them out. Better safe than sorry! Har har.
Today we drove up to Midhurst to a violin shop to get me a new violin. The ones I tested ranged from £1000-£2300, none of which I was particularly impressed with, or thought lived up to my current £250 ebay one. The only positive change I noticed was that they were louder. But the sound didn't have any of the subtle qualities mine does. By process of elimination I ended up bringing one home for a week trial, and I have a suspicion it's the most expensive.
Anyhoo. You'll notice I just used 'but' at the beginning of a sentence, which is regarded as incorrect amongst, well, the same group of people who advocate using 'an' before a word beginning with 'h.' Which, if you ask me, is bullocks*.
I really hate charity shops. They remind me of depression and ageing, and the ones where I live seem to cater exclusively for OAP's. Luckily I realised that with Oxfam you can shop online and have the nice old vintage clothes delivered to your door, without the rotting books and pointless, worthless trinkets.
Unfortunately, most other large charities have nothing to compare with this, unless of course you wish to buy a few Christmas cards and a paw print RSPCA t-shirt.
* Due to comment I must point out this is supposed to be ironic. Maybe it was too subtle.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

I have a confession to make

I used to play missbimbo. Glad I got that off my chest.
I feel less motivated to do anything than I have ever felt before. Which is pretty bad timing because now is the time school actually starts getting mildly important. A few things have happened that have seriously adjusted my priorities, and I've realised just how little school matters.
Topshop are designing for the BBC's new production of Little House on the Prairie.

Emperor's new clothes. I feel like being cryptic. Oh wait, I kind of like this dress in a strange way.

Hey everyone! Don't waste £45 on this Topshop dress (top.) Get it from instead for £26.99, with the small sacrifice of having to wear it with an ugly belt that you aren't allowed to remove because it's sewn on.
Don't you just hate it when your dad accuses you of being big headed just because your pwning at Mario karts?

Saturday, 9 January 2010

'unique' indeed.

Topshop Unique. What is it exactly?
According to Topshop: an 'acclaimed in-house design collection.' And by browsing through a few online magazines I have found it to be generally well liked within the fashion community.
Hmm. Fair enough, but let's have a look at its previous collection. To pick a couple of shiners...

I'm sorry I had to do this to you, O viewer. They hurt my eyes too. Well if that hasn't caused your opinion of Topshop Unique to plummet then maybe this will.
Some stuff from the current collection:

And you haven't even seen the long, baggy, beaten up shorts with what I can only describe as ugly iron-on badges. 'Inspired by 70's surf culture,' apparently. So... is the fact that it's got a concept you might define as clever, and that the clothes look like they have been ripped to shreds by sharks supposed to make it good? Maybe I'm missing something. Dammit, why can't I just be 'fashionable' and agree with everything as if I'm straight out of The Emperor's New Clothes? 'Ours is not to reason why.'
I'm not being completely fair, I suppose. They did have about 2 nice things. But I had to root around to find them.
You'll notice I'm experimenting with layouts and backgrounds at the moment, and there will be ugliness. Don't judge me.

Friday, 8 January 2010


Got the shock of my life this morning: those shoes I've prattled on about so much I'm kind of bored of them were out of stock. ALREADY. But they were spontaneously in stock again a few minutes ago. So they are ordered!
I feel in the mood for some good old balanced analysis. Jack Wills seems to be emulating DFS. Everything is on sale. Maybe no one wants to buy their boring overpriced crap. Actually, that's slightly inaccurate. EVERYONE wants to buy their boring overpriced crap.
What is with that? I'm not going to say I don't get it because I do; it's a brand name blah blah blah. I'm in the minority, and I'm also a complete hypocrite because I just bought some Hollister leggings (we queued for half an hour to get in the actual shop so I needed to buy something or feel like a failure). Owning anything from Jack Wills is like a trophy, and the only reason I can possibly think of is because it's expensive. If it was £10 rather than £129 for a PLAIN BLACK CARDIGAN then it wouldn't be so popular. I don't care so much that brands like, er, Marc Jacobs are expensive, because at least the clothes have actual designs. What annoys me the most is that there is practically no variation in Jack Will's stock: I'm on the website now and all I can see is a few nondescript blobs of navy. I am going to liken their stock to porridge.
Occasionally I find myself dragged into the Jack Wills in Gunwharf. My routine is as follows: first, to stand like a displaced pet before the suspiciously expensive tracksuits, keeping my distance while I try to discern exactly how they can possibly be so expensive. Then once I feel more confident in my surroundings I begin to openly slag off the mounds of folded up porridge, perhaps attracting the attention of a shop assistant here and there, so skulking off to another location within the shop. At some point during the proceedings I may be distracted by the nice chaise longue with the Union Jack print. I will then sit on it and feel pretty cool. It is the one thing I like about Jack Wills. Apart from the thigh high socks, which I jolly want in every colour but don't see a feasible way of not looking like a tart with them on.
I actually went on today and I feel like a bit of a dick.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

'Frozen Britain?', we just want to play.

We've battled through wars... through terrorist attacks.... through an economic crisis and through public humiliation (lobster chavs at the euro football). But now, the whole infrastructure of Britain is falling apart. Because it snowed.
In the words of Winston Churchill, 'We shall fight snow on the seas and oceans, we shall fight snow with growing confidence, we shall fight snow on the hills, we shall never surrender, even if our gritting lorries themselves come to a pathetic halt before a 10 inch mound of snow and leave our roads ungritted.'
Mine, my brother's and my sister's schools were closed yesterday, even when most people were perfectly able to get there. My mum's work closed. So did thousands of schools and businesses throughout the country. The newsreaders are trying to credit this bit of unpleasant weather with the headlines 'Frozen Britain' and 'Severe ice causes disruption!' But it's all exagerration. The real reality of the situation is that we haven't had snow like this for years and everyone wants to play. On BBC news, they were interviewing people on the streets. The general impression I got was: 'Oh, yeah, the snow's terrible, the schools and the business, disruption, yeah... but have you seen my EPIC snowman?!??! We haven't had snow like this in EFFING YEARS! Watch my on my makeshift toboggan! - It's the, er, only means I have to get to work. Ahem.'
As I went on the computer this morning and mechanically ended up on the topshop website, I was pleasantly surprised to find that these shoes are back in stock.

Now I just have to hope that my debit card and PIN arrive before they sell out again..

Wednesday, 6 January 2010


First of all, to the apparently random spades in the title. I pressed a button on my mouse and they appeared. TALK ABOUT SERENDIPITY!
Hey, I wonder if those cheapie chavy online 'boutiques' have started designing their own clothes?

Below: 'Celina oversized jumper in grey,' £29.99, Well well well...

Topshop panda jumper. Obviously not then...

It gets worse.
'Damini Sheer Dress With Stud & Mirror Detail,' £46.99,

Christopher Kane for Topshop dress, £85.

And Topshop is not the only victim.
Rare stud dress.

'Fiona Sleveless Dress With Stud Detail,' £26.99,

And I HAVE this exact same dress down to every last detail, but it was definitely not £15 from (newlook infact.)

And I have no idea who designed this originally, but both and have kindly provided me with a version.
'Astrid Dress With Stud Detail In Black,' £24.99

Image is broke-de-broke on, but here is the link. It looks identical, if you must know.
images from:;;;;;

Monday, 4 January 2010


It's all so clear to me now!

My last post was a babbled mess about wanting perfect red lips.

Pure, floral, non-blue, browny rose. And it must be from Lipstick Queen. I'm determined to go up to Chichester where the nearest Space NK apothecary is and instruct the assistants to help me find the perfect shade, whether it's Saint (sheer), Sinner (matte) or any of the other glosses and pencils it has to offer. Oh and did I mention it has to be rose. Or maybe coral? Berry?


You'll notice there are an obscene amount of roses here, most in colours I suspect are impossible. Forget them all except the 4th and 5th on the top row: those are my dream. Is that even rose colour? Or is it more peachy coral...? Pahhh.

My new blog colours are a reflection of my love for that type of pink, whatever it is. I photoshopped a new title, it's sexy no? The pink on white reminds me of a candy cane or something. And the brush I used to underline looks a bit like it was drawn with lipstick, appropriate eh? (EDIT 21:16 - it really doesn't.)
Found an uber-useful blog,, I don't know how she did it but she has managed to get nice juicy big swatches of every (?) lipstick queen product on her arm! It gives a far better idea of what the colours actually look like. Even more useful is, there are reviews for TONNES of hair, makeup and skin products by 'REAL PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME.'
Finally, I'm faced with a wee bit of a dilemma. I stumbled through onto a site called, and it sells expensive makeup brands like benefit, mac and stila at jolly good discounts. Not all brands have discounts though. SO the first thing I noticed when I went on the site was how ugly it was, and how it shouted FREEEE at me from every corner. Obviously I don't trust it too much at this point, so I googled it to find out if it sold genuine products. Loads of forums, like the Vogue Australia one, had people insisting the products were real, and that they'd ordered from there loads. Hooowweeverr, some people said that they had talked to beauty assistants at salons and stuff, and they'd said they sold fakes. But I thought: the existance of would reduce the sales of mainstream companies that sell the products more expensively. So...
I also heard suspicious reports like - 'I ordered a designer face cream twice; first time it was blue, second time white.'
But the thing that clinches it for me is the fact that the company is based in Hong Kong. In a completely un-racist way, I don't trust companies from China and that area that sell brand names, because I know they have a reputation for making almost undistinguishable replicas. So I'll have to live without my discounted Benefit You Rebel Lite :(
(tinted moisturizer I am rather interested in, not least because the tube is huuge)

Sunday, 3 January 2010

perfect red lips

At the moment I’m obsessed with lipstick. I don’t actually have any though; I just threw away my red Rimmel because the screwing up and down got screwed up (HAHA). Oh wait I have a really cheap brown lipstick which is fugly.

I have no idea what  colour to get. Apparently there are blue reds, orange reds and london bus reds. It’s epically confusing. I’m also considering a rose, berry or corally colour. If I get red it has to be matte because shiny is for homos and wusses.

I’ve googled ‘lipstick shade finder’ about a million times and have learnt many pearls of wisdom. I even ended up on KIM KARDASHIAN’S BLOG. But the thing I mainly discovered is that it’s more complicated than you can possibly imagine. Not even bold or italic could convey the sheer gravity of that statement so I didn’t bother. 

Revlon and Maybelline, I found, have a semi-useful lipstick online shade finder. But they are limited to light, medium or dark skin tones, and about 5 eye colours. Therefore my results are about 60 different shades.

Anyway here’s the list.

Friday, 1 January 2010

         Normally I could pretty much guarantee that a school day entitled 'Aspire' was going to be painfully patronising. For the most part it was, but there was one lecture that made up for it completely. He was a man talking about critical thinking and the need for scepticism, which I totally agree with. But the highlight was, without a doubt, when he commented on the way that news programs seem to be constantly asking people to text in with their opinions. He declared that 'most people's opinions are rubbish.' I applaud his originality and failure to stick to the typical 'everyone's opinion matters' drawl, because not everyone's opinion matters. Some people's opinions are diabolical, and all I have to do to prove this is to refer you to a site known as 'Youtube.' Click on any video and read some of the comments, and then you will agree with me.