Thursday, 31 December 2009

look what I bought

From 'Toppers' (I gladly kill people who actually say it like that). It makes me look like an anorexic victorian, although my hands barely fit through the ludicrously un-stretchy sleeves. I like it though.
Oh and for some reason I bought some slashed Hollister leggings in the sale... I think I was hallucinating.

This epitomises my grandad.

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

just no

Pleated bodice dress

I know what you're thinking. 'How did they manage to find such a vast cockroach?'
It is indeed mind blowing. And not often that you see such an innovative approach to dress making.

Vivienne Westwood Anglomania
Plaid print band mini skirt

Poor skirt. It realised it was ugly checked and pleated like I must have worn when I was 9, and somehow deviated off to the right in a panic.

Cashmere hooded top

Oh dear Burberry... Just because it's cashmere (and £350) doesn't disguise the fact that it's a really chavvy and cheap looking hoodie.

...And apparently make no attempt to change my opinion.

Alexander McQueen
Leaf-crepe harem pants

These are just perfect. Now every time I take a shit in my trousers, no one will know.

The most overpriced items in the world:

Christopher Kane £175

Jonathan Saunders £185

Helmut Lang £155

It's a feckin t-shirt.

Thursday, 24 December 2009


since i got a fringe a shockwave has spread throughout the world. yes, it was definitely caused by me.

The model from lacoste love of pink advert

Keira Knightly (8 months before i got mine but still.)

Katy Perry

Alexandra Burke

Lady Gaga

The model in the toni & guy electrical advert in my magazine. No picture available.

Need I go on?

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Shopping list

In the weeks leading up to christmas I have forbidden myself from making any purchases, despite the fact that I have a small fortune of £100 sitting in my purse (earned through professional violin playing friend). This is for two reasons; the first being that I don't want to risk buying something someone else has already got for me, and the second being that I want to starve myself of retail therapy in order to make christmas more exciting - although I could have sworn that that goes completely against the spirit of christmas...
Anyway, during these non-spendy weeks, I have made a mental note of things I randomly see and want and am going to buy on boxing day (or not quite so soon). But obviously, a mental note is nowhere near as good as a real note, and who wouldn't want to read my shopping list?

1 - Redken Glass 01 smoothing serum

From the moment it was featured in some magazine I happened to be reading ages ago, I have been intrigued by this product, being a fan of the 'Professional' haircare brand Redken. Somewhere along the line intrigue turned into want-to-buy. The thing that clinched it was seeing a model with a top knot in a magazine. Her hair looked soft, shiny, and tamed. I thought 'hey, I bet Redken Glass 01 could do that.' So there you go.

2 - Some wardrobe basics (sorry for sounding so disgustingly cliche)

In er, peachy colours, apparently.
From left: Topshop, £14; Topshop, £10; Topshop, £14;

3 - Some more True Blood books

My guilty pleasure. Not particularly well written but very plot driven and I fancy Eric (not explaining, read them to understand/watch the eps). I'm up to Definitely Dead and these two are next...

4 - Lipstick Queen Lipsticks

If you've never heard of her, just google lipstick queen. Poppy King only does lipsticks because she loves lipstick. Saints are 10% pigment, Sinners 90%. I'm considering Sinner in red or rose. I'm also intrigued (intrigue has won me over once again) by 'Black tie optional' a lipstick that looks literally black, but gives a berry sheen.

5 - Grey cable tights

The ones I want are actually River Island, but I couldn't get the image of them. I wanted some grey ribbed tights (specifically) a few months ago, but I got side tracked and got some wacky horizontal stripe ones from Topshop instead (imagine some kind of rugby outfit). Now the desire has resurfaced.

6 - Tassle loafers

Brown or black. The ones pictured are Topshop, but at £50 I don't think so. I haven't found any suitable ones yet, but then again neither have I looked very hard. My mum had a classic black pair from Russel and Bromley, but the time came and passed in which I could fit into them (she's a size 3), and I wasn't interested back then. I intend to wear them with my grey ribbed tights!

7 - These beauties

These shoes (Topshop £30) are in fact art. My emotions are a mixture of enchantment at their sheer loveliness, shock at their humble price for all those pearls, and wistfulness at their current out-of-stock status.

Well that's about it, I think. I mentioned earlier about how a real note is better than a mental one, so of course I'm bound to have forgotten some of the things on my list. I won't dare to add up the prices of all the things on my list, because I don't want to find out for sure that I can't afford it all, but inevitably it will be too much. Dayyyyumn.

i hate certain aspects of fashion

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde.
I couldn't agree more. To illustrate this quotation, I will provide you with some images of various fashion trends that define the word 'ugly.'

Peg leg pants/harems/ankle grazers

I would recommend any of these if you wish to:
- Shorten and fatten your legs
- Wear unsightly and oddly shaped trousers which crease and bulge in peculiar places
- Create the illusion of a very low down pregnant bulge
- Look like a douche.

Fur gilets (especially black ones)

Great for looking like a gorilla.


Baggy, manly, builderish. Ugly.

Whatever the hell this is

£25, Topshop.

So one aspect of fashion I hate is the ugliness and blatant disregard for the female figure displayed in some of its creations.
Another aspect I hate: the way some people put together the most vile 'pieces,' look like a blemange or a general douche and are then called fashionable. Hey, anyone can do it: simply pair a knee length bright floral skirt with a paint splatted velvet crop, add a faux fur belt, some jacquard leggings, and, say, a purple fascinator. Not forgetting, of course, some faded brown scruffy lace ups and grey pulled up ankle socks. How artistic; how, creative and daring yet beautiful? Troll through pretty much every single fashion blog in the world or lookbook etc, and you will find versions of this. But hey, fashion isn't about looking good in clothes! It's about - looking shit...?
On another note, here are some good things I have stumbled upon today that made me feel happy.
- California Select's ebay store. Ignoring the £8 postage
- Oxfam online - actual nice vintage stuff you can get online
- These lovelies from Topshop:

- sold out in my size, weep :(


Tuesday, 22 December 2009

gay fashion designers = skinny models

The whole debate about size zero models and shit. ok, i admit that sometimes the sizes of the catwalk models can get extreme, but most of the time it's just fat people moaning. 'Real women have curves!' yawn. There's a facebook group about something along those lines, comprised of cellulitey images and discriminating insulting statuses about how skinny girls look gross in shorts - 'yuk!' Most of its members are probably overweight women trying to feel better about their 'curves' by being more vicious to thin people than the fashion industry/media etc. has ever been to the, ahem, plus sized.
So I was on an intelligent, witty and educated website today called, when I saw this article: 'Plus-size Crystal Renn takes on a typically slim model to prove fashion CAN flatter any figure.' I laughed when I discovered that, in fact, it CAN'T.

Size 0

Size 16

The size zero looks better. I find these two images are the best for comparison, as it's plain to see that the high waisted skirt just makes the size 16 look dumpy. It's also too short for her and is borderline tacky - surely they gave them two different clothes sizes? On top of that, her legs look chunky and the ankle socks just shorten them. But the size 0 has the other extreme: her legs look long but far too thin and bony.
One model is too thin. The other is overweight. Why does it have to be anorexic or size 16? Surely slender yet healthy 8-10 (UK) models are the best of both worlds? Problem solved by Fay.
I liked it when Mark Fast used a couple of 10-12 models along with his conventional ones at his catwalk show. They fitted the clothes just as well as the skinnier models, and you didn't have to worry about them snapping or collapsing.
The title of my post sums up my (dad's) theory of why models are getting so skinny. It's because most fashion designers are gay men. Size 0 models are not shapely, they are straight-up-and-down. They don't have boobs and bums. Neither do men. Therefore gay men, who fancy men, would consider size 0 more beautiful than bigger sizes. I can't imagine how it would be women who fabricated this stick thin ideal, as it's pretty obvious how much they are now all protesting about it.

Monday, 21 December 2009

last day (reblog)

school finished for christmas last friday, and we had a non uniform day. there was in fact no point of us going to school that day at all, as we didn’t do anything except eat and watch people humiliate themselves. obviously most people failed to dress for the weather, which was freezing. Oh, except some of the year above, who were trying to outdo eachother by being the most daring and creative on the ‘winter accessories’ front (furry hats). I passed chewbacca on the way to the locker room.

our living room is looking ludicrously christmassy. my mum seems to have got carried away and put christmas lights on our ugly leafy plant, and decorating our stair bannister with a complex tinsel and baubel structure. I for one have spent many stressful nights arranging our early arrived presents under the pathetic 2ft tree: achieving the right balance between big and small, wrapping colour, and recipient of present. It’s tough.

Luckily everyone seems to have recovered from the tragic advent calender realisation - we tried to buy a calender so late that there were no average ones left and we ended up with a picture one (it, er, glows in the light) and some sort of advent ‘crackers’ shit. My attempt at creating a revolutionary calender out of an egg box failed. I’m going to watch dollshouse now.

Friday, 18 December 2009


Dilemma 1:
I'm such a sheep. I started blogspot of my own accord, i.e. found it without the influence of my schoolfriends. But I was, in fact, copying people after all, as I was writing shallow, pointless drones of fashion shit I'm not even interested in cos i thought it would get me famous. So i switched to stuff I actually care about (see my later posts.) Yet, as is the way with me, I got borrrreed. Ignored the voices in my head saying 'you need a blog to be a journalist..' and 'it will help you get into CAMBRIDGE!' - and tuned out.

Few weeks later (every day of those being guiltily reminded of my little blog, usually followed by at least 10 seconds worth of debating whether to go back), I log on to facebook late at night and guess what I see... 'blah blah blah blah' says someone's status. What's this? I think. Someone else... someone else got a blog? I hesitantly followed the link and honestly, I was pretty impressed. So of course, with glittering starry eyes I join tumblr - dutifully, almost robotically.

It's a bit shit. But then other sheep like me get one and try to act all vintage and chic. Multitudes more appear on facebook every day: the minute I log on I'm bombarded with random french-named wannabe tumblrs (mine's called lavenacava: it's latin so it doesn't count). So i'm kind of not impressed with tumblr and am henceforth returning to blogspot, where i belong. But tumblr or blogspot, they're both still blogs.

And the moral of the story is, I was too meek to advertise and display my blog before everyone else slowly began to cotton on. Now, if I post my little tuppenceworth of a blog on facebook, people will roll their eyes. They will roll their eyes and they will snort and they will sigh. 'Another one,' they will think as they sharpen up their stabbing knife, rightfully so.

Therefore, either my blog will remain hidden for ever, or return when all the fad has died down, as a late, stale, slow old man, which is probably worse.

Dilemma 2:

Going back to the fact that I have two blogs. I have two blogs. What a weird, surreal and unfair situation to be in. It means if I post something on one, it can never grace the pages of the other. However I have a very excellent solution: I will simply copy and paste my good tumblr posts, of which there are about 2, and put them in some artistic format like italics to let you know they have been resurrected from the graveyard.